Friday, May 12, 2006

you gotta do what you gotta do

2:02 am. Sometimes when you aren't getting something done, you have to tell yourself that you are not allowed to sleep until you get it done. I don't do that as often as I used to. In fact, I have gotten more good long nights of sleep this year than I probably ever have in my student career (from high school on). But when you spend the time you were supposed to spend writing a seminar paper writing your thesis, and then when you decide you really do have to write the seminar paper and then go on to spend two whole days re-reading books and articles you've already read to try to have it all fresh in your head,when you calculate the things on your list that you have to do before travelling and the number of days left and realize that there aren't quite enough hours in the day, then comes the time to start appropriating the night. Then comes the time to tell yourself, "Self, you will not lie yourself on that bed until you have written at least eight pages of the fifteen, even if you don't know what you are talking about. You will. Write it. Now."

So, aided by Bhangra Music from India: Apnea Radio, and a tall mug of Ovaltine (maybe I'll get paid for advertising if I mention Ovaltine enough), and a bed covered in notes and well-underlined books, I will myself to understand Habermas. I will my fingers to type, even if I'm not sure what my sentence will be. I forge forward into the night.

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